


Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you

by Siwucha



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: 5+1 Things, Awkward Flirting, Canon-Typical Violence, Did I overuse old tropes?, Do I regret it?, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Cassandra Pentaghast/Varric Tethras, Minor The Iron Bull/Lavellan (Dragon Age), Pet Names, i guess?, no, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Siwucha/pseuds/Siwucha
Summary: Maker, preserve him from sweet and oblivious men like Cullen Rutherford(or 5 times when Cullen unknowingly called him sweetheart and one when Dorian pointed it out)
Relationships: Dorian Pavus/Cullen Rutherford
Comments: 25
Kudos: 262





	Love that will not betray you, dismay or enslave you

The first time Cullen used a pet name while talking to Dorian wasn’t even the first time he really did it. It was more of a first time the Mage actually noticed that he was doing that and it made him stop for a moment to take a look at the Commander. 

It was during one of their chess matches. The evening was slowly crawling over them and recently the weather became even more unreasonably cold for Dorian's strained patience and he bullied Cullen into moving their daily matches to Commander's office. Not like it was really any better with the giant hole in the rooftop of the tower. Sometimes he thought it was a way for Cullen to punish himself somehow, not indulging himself in the sinful pleasures of owning a rooftop over his head.

"One of these days you will force my hand Commander, and I will fix your bloody ceiling myself" he said while eyeing the hole through which he could see a faint light of sun painting the mountains in various shades of pink, orange and yellow. The sky slowly started lighting up with bright stars and he might have considered it lovely if it wasn't so bloody cold.

He stood up to take his cloak from the rack beside the door. He muttered a quick warming spell and pulled the cloak over his shoulders. The pleasant wave of warmth sent a small shiver down his body chasing away the cold that settled over his bones that morning. He glanced discreetly at Cullen who sat in front of the chess board lost in the plannings of his next move. 

There was something soft about Cullen that evening and Dorian couldn't point his finger at what it was. It wasn't the first time he managed to force Cullen into shedding that horrible armor of his, and now he was sitting in a soft padded jacket he always wore under his breastplate. It smelled like leather left in the sun and sweat but for some reason it wasn't an unpleasant smell for Dorian. It was just so undeniably Cullen, he would probably recognize it with his eyes closed, with complete darkness surrounding him. 

Maybe it was the way he actually slouched on his chair, his elbow resting on the armrest and head supported on his hand. He was quiet the whole day, the aftermath of the headache showing itself in the shadows under his eyes that hung there more stark against his pale face than usual. Dorian was concerned about his friend’s health, but he tried not to let it display on his face. He knew Cullen wouldn’t appreciate being pitied, even if it wasn’t what Dorian felt. The man had his stupid, fereldan pride. 

“I’m pretty sure you, serah, have never tried working like common folk in your life.”

Dorian hummed and moved towards Commander’s desk to take the bottle of wine he brought along with him. He also managed to snatch some food from the kitchen and avoid the cook this time so that was also a good alternative to the usual yelling he received whenever they managed to cross their paths. 

“Are you calling me a spoiled man in your weird Fereldan way?” he asked with mock offence. 

Cullen’s scarred lips stretched into a rare, cocky smirk. 

“Sweetheart, both of us know you have never handled a hammer in your hands, lying about it is pointless,” he crooned without taking his eyes from the board. 

Good, because Dorian might have tripped over the folds of his cloak. He was close enough to the desk to catch himself on the edge of it on time for Cullen to raise his eyes to him. 

“Are you okay?” he asked with slight worry heard in his words. Dorian studied him for a moment in silence and he realized that… His Commander did not notice he had used a pet name towards him. Dorian couldn’t believe it. Maybe he misheard the man? Trade was a tricky language, so he wouldn’t be surprised if he did. 

He summoned a smile to his face to hide the agitation rising in him. Dorian was certain that the man called him ‘sweetheart’. He never heard him using any kind of pet names or nicknames, the way the word rolled from his tongue, shaped with his accent made him think of slipping into a warm bath, comforting and oddly familiar. He wouldn’t be able to imagine that.

“Everything is okay, Commander. You know, Tevinter’s robes. Style over practicality and all that you keep complaining about,” he said waving his hand dismissively. He poured the wine into both of their goblets and walked back with them to his chair. 

“So, tell me, which one of my pieces have you moved?” 

*****

Second time wasn’t better. It caught Dorian off guard and managed to stir a small storm in his heart. It was some time later when Dorian tried to run away from furious Sera. He managed to prank her and as much as she appreciated it, she also took it as a call for repercussions and it wasn’t what Dorian had in mind when he magically glued her arrows to the bottom of her quiver. He did it out of boredom right before she went to train this morning. He successfully dodged her the whole day but this time the rogue was hot on his heels; he could actually hear her singing his name and wasn’t that something to be afraid of?

He hurried into the next corridor and it was only by chance he didn’t collide with the hard surface of a really familiar armor and fur cloak. Cullen caught his arm before he face-planted into the floor and made sure he was steady on his feet. He frowned at the Mage when he saw him frantically looking over his shoulder and shifted subtly into a battle stance out of a pure instinct. Dorian would laugh at him if he wasn’t afraid of the elf catching up with him.

“Dorian are you alrig-“ 

Dorian interrupted him by putting his hand over his mouth and shoving him deeper into the corridor he just walked from. 

“I’m being chased by Sera, please save me Commander,” he whispered to him in a clearly theatrical distress. He had to stifle a laugh when he saw confusion on Cullen’s face deepen even more. He frantically looked around trying to find a good hiding place for himself. Directly behind Cullen there was a small alcove covered by a long, heavy curtain. Dorian hurried around Cullen and got there right before Sera turned into their corridor. He heard Cullen move a bit to the side and he wondered if he tried to cover the slight movement of the fabric behind him. 

“Oh, hello Commander!” she called, her voice light and overly sweet. By the way her steps hit the floor he deduced she was skipping. He flattened his back against the wall behind him to be as far away from the edge of the curtain as he could and put his fist against his mouth to smother any noises coming from him. He felt like a child playing hide and seek and only a step away from being caught. It excited him and made his adrenaline speed up his heartbeat, making it hard not to laugh at the idea. The only thing that stopped him from doing it out loud was the vision of terrifying punishment he would receive from Sera if she found him. 

“Did you see Fancy Breeches walking through here?” 

“Uh… who?” Maker, bless Cullen for his slightly awkward personality and inability to socialize. Not knowing the nickname Sera gave Dorian a few months ago at least made him sincere in his confusion. His shoulders shook with barely contained giggles.

“You know, Fancy Breeches? Ridiculous mustache? He walks with his left tit almost entirely out? Looks a bit evil, but wouldn’t actually hurt a fly?”

Should he feel offended?

“... You mean Dorian?” 

Yes, he should.

“Yes Commander, I mean Dorian.”

“I think he walked past me towards the stables. He was in a quite hurry. What did he do to you to deserve being hunted down?”

For a moment Sera didn’t answer and Dorian felt dread of her discovering him hiding only a few meters away, but surprisingly she sighed and started walking again away from them.

“He glued my arrows,” she answered. 

“He did what?” 

“He magically stuck my arrows to the bottom of my quiver. "

After she disappeared from the corridor they waited a few more minutes and then:

“You are in deep trouble, Sweetheart,” Cullen sighed and stepped aside when Dorian stumbled out of the alcove. He covered his sputtering with giggles and rested his hand on Cullen’s arm to keep himself upright. This time he couldn’t pretend he didn’t mishear it, but the man looked, again, like nothing had happened. Dorian felt a blush climbing his cheeks at the sweet sound of the word rolling from his tongue. At least he could say it was from trying to hold back his laughter. 

“I’m so sorry,” he stammered in between his giggles. “But it was hilarious to watch her try to do a quick series. It took her a moment to realize she is not holding any arrows. You should have seen her face.”

“That's really mature for you, serah. Mister Evil Tevinter Mage using his magic to glue poor elf’s arrows?” Cullen tried to sound stern but even without Dorian looking at him he could hear the smile in his voice. “What would they say back in your great Magisterium?” 

“Using magic for petty jokes? Oh, my dear Commander, they would be delighted.”

He straightened up and looked at his friend who was, indeed, smiling at him. The light scar bisecting his lip curved his smile a bit more on one side. His eyes sparkled with mischief making him look less tired and lightened his face. His shoulders were relaxed and even if he was holding both of his hands on the hilt of his sword his posture was open. He looked younger than Dorian ever saw him and he couldn’t deny that he liked what he saw. He had to take away his hand or he would do something stupid like touch his face and stroke the line of his smile. 

“I believe I'm in debt to you Commander. The great Lion of Ferelden rescued yet another helpless soul in need. I should notify someone of your good deeds.” 

Cullen laughed quietly but Dorian could see a blush rising to his cheeks and ears. Stark contrast stood on his pale, freckled skin and the mage couldn’t get enough of the sight. It was different from what he was used to seeing since it was hard to meet shy and humble men in the halls of Tevinter’s court. If you weren’t confident and proud you could get eaten. His Commander was like a wave of fresh air after staying in a room full of rott. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Dorian. You weren’t even in real danger. And you deserved it,” he added. 

Dorian made a sound of offence. 

“How dare you!” 

The Commander laughed loudly and openly at his mock misery. Dorian would do anything to hear it more often, to be a reason it was drawn from the man. It always sounded a tad breathless, like it was forced from his chest by a power far greater than his own and Ex-Templar was surprised by it himself.

Out of the goodness of his heart Cullen let him hide in his office while he worked. 

Right until Sera decided to try and check on them after dinner. 

*****

He came back with Lavellan late at night. The guards didn’t stop them when they approached the gate, the Inquisitor sent word of their returning a day ago and guards were expecting them. They took their horses to the stables and took care of them by themselves. Lavellan tried to talk to him a bit, to lighten his mood, but it was for nothing. In the end the man bid him goodnight and went to his room while Dorian was brushing his horse. 

The sight of his father left him with a feeling of sorrow and anger mixed together. He always knew that there was really only one thing that mattered to his father and it wasn’t really his happiness. His words in the small inn at Redcliffe just confirmed everything he believed in when he was running away from home all those years ago. And if Dorian tried to be honest with himself it wounded him more profoundly than the first time. When he heard from Lavellan his father wanted to meet with him he felt a small bit of hope growing in him with every step their horses took, closer and closer to Redcliffe. He wasn’t a fool though and he couldn’t imagine his father trying to mend their relationship back into what it was before he tried to break his son and force him into a life full of misery. 

Men like Halward Pavus did not apologize. In their circles it was a sign of a weak spine and a lot of people would try their hands and bend it until it finally broke down. 

So anyone would really share his surprise when he heard his father, the proud man which raised him, ask for forgiveness from him. Dorian wasn’t sure what left him more angry. The profound sincerity in his father’s voice or Dorian’s desperate need to believe him. That turmoil left him drained. The only thing he really wanted at the moment was to drink himself into oblivion. 

He went to his room and snatched a bottle of an Orlesian wine Josephine ordered for him a few months ago. It wasn’t as good as the one you could find in the old cellars of his father’s mansion, but it was definitely stronger. He went to his favorite place in the library, which was abandoned at this hour even by Solas, and started drinking. 

Halfway into the bottle he was nowhere near the solution to his problem. 

“Did I manage to find the fool’s gold?” he asked himself quietly while looking through the window at the empty courtyard. It was dark even with the few torches held by the patrolling guards. His eyes followed the slow movement of the soldiers ever since he came here. The watch switched once already.

“I take it the reunion with your family wasn’t a pleasant experience?” said a voice from behind him. Dorian turned around with a startled noise, he didn’t hear anyone entering the library. 

Behind him stood Cullen. He looked a bit rumpled, a thin shirt he slept in was barely tucked into his trousers. Over it he threw his cloak, it's dark fur tickling his neck without the usual protection of his breastplate. His hair was free from any kind of paste he usually used to tame it and it twisted into soft curls over his forehead. In the light of a single candle sitting on a small table in front of Dorian he could see a faint trace of a pillow stitch printed on his right cheek. 

“Did you finally start taking lessons from Leliana?” he grumbled feeling his heartbeat finally started slowing down from being startled and from the sight of the Commander. 

“I apologize for scaring you. I called your name when I was downstairs but now I can see you were deep in your thoughts,” the man said and walked closer to the window so Dorian didn’t have to twist uncomfortably in his seat to see him.

“You should be thankful I didn’t hit you with a Mind Blast. Who heard of it, sneaking on a Tevinter battlemage.”

They sat in silence for a moment and then Dorian sighed. He could feel the beginning of a headache worming its way into his temples and his hand twitches uncontrollably toward the bottle of wine sitting in front of him. 

“What are you doing here Commander? Are you looking for something interesting to read as your bedtime story?”

“I was actually looking for you,” Cullen confessed. Dorian's mouth twisten in a grimace, but before he could ask any questions the Ex-Templar continued. “I went to your room at first thinking you might be there, but you weren’t so I went to the gardens before remembering you can’t stand the cold. This was the next place that came to my mind.”

At the mention of the weather Dorian looked a bit closer at the Commander and he noticed a faint shiver running through his arms and the way he hugged his ridiculous cloak around himself. 

“You foolish man” he waved his hand and muttered a warming charm over Cullen. He heard a soft sigh and then his friend relaxed a bit more against the stone walls. “Why?”

“Inquisitor came to me not long after you came back. He told me you weren’t feeling well after the meeting and he had no idea how to help you. He asked me if I could check on you tomorrow, but I said to myself ‘knowing Dorian he is probably sitting somewhere getting so far into his head he will soon disappear’. And hey! I was right.”

Dorian snorted a quiet, unhappy laugh. He wasn’t really sure what to think about this. He reached his fingers to massage his temples and closed his eyes. Of course southerners wouldn’t leave him alone to his whims, it wasn’t in their nature. Bloody southerners and their charm, he thought bitterly to himself. 

"Did he tell you to coddle me too? Hold my hand while I cry my sorrows to you like a child who just had a nightmare? 'Cause I don't think that's your duty as a commander of his army" he snapped. His voice bounced off the stone walls of the library and came back to him. Dorian winced at the volume and slouched deeper into his chair. He looked down at his hands and noticed a slight tremble to them. After a moment he heard a rustling of fabric and then he saw Cullen kneeling in front of him. He couldn't look up at the man. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he saw the pity in his brown eyes. 

"You are right. It's not my duty as a commander. But this is what I want to do as a friend. You are hurting Dorian, let me help you" he said softly. He didn't touch Dorian, but his hand hovered over his knee, fingers twitching like he wanted to reach so badly, he did so unconsciously. 

Dorian could emphasize this feeling. 

"My dear Cullen, you can't fix what's not broken. This is just who I am. A pitiful excuse of a son who can not even talk to his own father without throwing a fit. My father hated me so much he tried to change me with blood magic, can you imagine that? He, who taught me my whole life that blood magic is the resolve of a weak mind!"

At the end his voice waived uncomfortably and Dorian stopped to get himself together.

Who would want someone like that around?

Cullen was quiet, not moving away from the place he was occupying so Dorian continued. 

"You see, Commander, in Tevinter people don't care about anything but power. They are born and they live for power. They fuck with certain people so both of them can breed the perfect heir that will carry their 'legacy'. They are so obsessed with heritage and a strong line of mages in their families they are ready to marry someone they hate to climb one more step of the ladder that will lead them closer to the top of The Game. My parents expected me to follow it, to marry a woman I have despised so I could produce little Dorians with her but I… I refused, I couldn't live a life like that, I saw what it did to my parents who couldn't stand each other so much they slept in different wings of our mansion. I wanted to be happy and I told them so. You can easily imagine the rest of the story. My father tried to convince me, then force me, then… change me. The only reason I am here with you right now is because the slave that was holding me down slipped on the wet floor of father's study."

Dorian didn't realize his voice turned hysterical and started shaking again, until two strong hands touched his wrists. Cullen turned his hands, palms up, and started caressing the point where his pulse raced like he just ran through the whole Skyhold. He was trying to breathe to accommodate his fast heartbeat and Dorian ached to push forward and hide his face in a soft fur of Cullen’s stupid coat. To hide himself in his arms and pretend the world does not exist in the way it does. That they had met in more peaceful times where life let them go gentler through the years.

“Take a deep breath, sweetheart,” he heard Cullen like it came through water, but his voice was sure and steady, strong enough to fight the feeling currently trying to suffocate Dorian under them. He motioned for him to follow him. “That’s it, good. Try it again, slowly.”

After a few minutes Dorian stopped feeling like he was about to burst at the seams. Cullen guided him through it with soft touches and softer words and he was grateful for him now. He realized he was on his merry way to anxiety attack and that’s not what he would do in front of his dear Commander. 

“I can understand the feeling of being betrayed by someone you've trusted” Ex Templar said and Dorian made an unspecified sound to show him he was listening. He focused on the slow strokes of Cullen’s fingers and his voice. 

“Right after the massacre at Kinloch circle I decided to bury myself under work. Went to Kirkwall because I’d heard templars in there needed more troops to help the refugees run away from the Blight. I asked for the transfer and refused to take my temporary leave so my mind would have something else to think about than those few days spent caged in Kinloch. Which, I see it now, was a mistake. My commanding officer, Meredith, decided to use my trauma, she manipulated me and made it into a tool to use against innocent people, the one I swore to protect. And it took me a while to realize that. She fed my fears and anxiety with her sick words of reassurance that everything we were doing was in the name of a safer, better world. Turned me into a man that would blindly slaughter people only because they were born with a spark of magic running through their veins.”

Cullen sounded defeated and tired, Dorian could also see it in a tense line of his shoulders and jaw. It made Dorian want to smother the lines on his forehead and around his mouth, to ease a bit of his pain just like Cullen eased a bit of his. 

“She was driven by her own agenda and before I could even realize what had happened the whole Kirkwall was on fire. Hawke with others managed to save us all while I just… stood there and did nothing to really help them. Soon after Cassandra sought my help, she said she needed help back in Haven so I went with her and… Buried myself under work” he chuckled humorlessly. “ I am ashamed of my weakness back then and I am trying to redeem myself. Maybe somehow balance my bad deeds with good, but Maker only knows if I will ever be able to do that. “

" If it's worth something to you, I think you are doing splendid, Commander." 

Cullen turned his eyes from his hands to his face and smiled softly.

"It means so much coming from you." 

Dorian had to avert his eyes or his heart might explode from the amount of emotions this simple look started in him. He closed his eyes and slowly moved forward, his forehead touching Cullen's and he just breathed in. 

Leather and sweat and a little bit of whatever was the soap the man used to wash himself. It put his strained mind at ease. 

Breathe in.

Breathe out. 

You are safe. 

"I'm… not good with words and you had many chances to notice that" Cullen started again carefully, his voice barely a whisper between the two of them. " I can't think of any better way of comforting you than saying that you are not alone. What your father did was a horrible thing, and there is no way around it, but now you are free from all of it, he has no control over you here, in Skyhold. We are the sums of the past experiences, but they do not define who we are. What he did does not define you, Dorian."

Dorian might have sniffed quietly. If he did it was between him and Cullen. 

“You are actually better at this whole comforting thing than I might be,” he said. “You claim you fumble with words, and yet, somehow, they gave me a semblance of peace I needed. But, if we are having this quick moment for honesty, your presence only would bring me the seeked comfort."

Cullen slowly lifted his head so Dorian could have time to move away a bit and the man smiled at him. 

“That’s good. I’m happy to help however I can.” 

“Thank you.” 

*****

One of the rare warm days hit the Skyhold with earnestness and everyone tried to use as much of the sunny weather as they could. Few sisters tended to the gardens, Iron Bull and his Chargers dragged a table outside of the tavern and sat there while telling each other stories, laughing heartily and calling each other out on their lies. On his way down to the courtyard Dorian saw Varric and Cassandra. The dwarf was telling some kind of story with a lot of flourishing movements, and Dorian couldn’t see the face of the Seeker but the slight tremble of her arms betrayed her laughter. Apparently the weather put everyone in a good mood. Dorian couldn’t complain, the sunshine let him shed his cloak for the first time in many weeks and he welcomed the feeling of warm light dancing on his skin. 

A wave of cheers coming from the direction of the training field caught his attention. He turned around to see a group of recruits crowd the ring while someone was fighting inside. Dorian rolled his eyes but inched closer. 

“Your shield is there to be used and not as a pretty accessory to wave around blindly! Use it!” a familiar voice called and then he heard a characteristic sound of a sword heavily landing on the training shield. Dorian stopped for a moment and then rushed to the ring, smile splitting his face almost in half. 

It wasn't common to see Cullen sparring with his recruits as the man lately was buried under so much work Dorian was afraid of losing the poor Commander under the mountains of reports and orders. He wondered who had managed to drag the man out of his hole. 

When he pushed his way through the recruits to stand against the balustrade the sight in front of him left him a little breathless. 

Cullen was standing in the middle of the ring. He took off his cloak and his armor made the light dance around them. Dorian could see a thin layer of sweat on his forehead but his breath was steady and eyes focused. He didn’t look tired at all. He was holding a heavy two-handed sword meant for training but even if it wasn’t sharp, every hit that landed on the poor recruit’s shield resonated in his arm and made Dorian’s ears ring uncomfortably. Cullen was broader in shoulders and thighs than the Mage. The ridiculous fur of his cloak always blocked the view from Dorian, but now you could see that the Commander was built for strength. All those years of fighting during his templar days did not go into oblivion as the man moved fast to strike. He raised the sword above his head, turned around and then swung at the recruit. The shield wasn’t raised fast enough and the blow went for the man’s stomach. The flat side of the sword made a dull sound and the man fell on his back, pushed back a bit and groaned with pain. The Ex-Templar straightened back, switched the hands holding the sword and walked towards his opponent to help him get back to his feet. 

“We need to work on your reflexes” he said while putting his arm on the man’s arm. “You are a good soldier, but if you want to keep working with a sword and a shield you still have a long way to go. “ 

“Praising him won’t make him a better fighter, Commander!” one of the recruits called from the group standing to Dorian’s right. Cullen looked right at the man. 

“At least he kept his ground longer than you, Hopkins. “

Dorian smiled while the rest of the recruits laughed. 

“Okay, Calsey, go to the infirmary so they can check on your arm. “ 

When the man left Cullen looked around in a search. Dorian backed a bit so he couldn’t see him just yet. 

“Does anyone else want to try and fight for the free day? You know the drill, you get three landings on me, you have a full day for yourself. No chores, no patrols, no training for twenty four hours,” he called. A small smirk was playing on his lips, a dare in his eyes. A rare sight indeed, a humble lion so cocky. 

Soldiers started pushing each other towards the ring while laughing but no one really stepped in. Dorian could feel the temptation overcoming his want to read in peace somewhere where the sun wouldn’t be blocked by anything. It’s not like he was good at going against his temptations, so he called:

“Does it apply to mages as well?”

Culled whirled around and instantly locked his eyes with Dorian’s. He looked surprised, but recovered fairly quickly and shrugged. He rested the tip of his sword against the ground and put both of his hands on the hilt. 

“Well, that depends. The place in front of me is free for everyone who wants to try their strength with me. As long as you think you can beat me you can join me here.” 

Oh, the temptation. 

Dorian put down his books and swiftly jumped over the fence. People around them cheered and whistled at them. With the corner of his eye he saw more people come to the ring noticing it wasn’t an usual soldier who was standing in front of the Commander. 

“So, what are the exact rules here, Commander? When I win I get a free day? No chores, no patrols, no training?” he asked. 

“If you win” Cullen said and Dorian could see a slight shift in his demeanor. Suddenly he felt the man stronger, like his presence abruptly doubled with intensity. It sent a small shiver down Dorian’s spine and he felt a spark of want lightning itself in his stomach.

He put his weight on his staff. 

“Can I keep the free day for later or do I need to cash it instantly?”

“If you want to then I don’t see anything that stops you from using it at a later date.”

Dorian grinned at him. 

“I know you are a man of honor and you will talk with the Inquisitor next time when he wants to take me to Emprise du Lion while I take a hot bath in my room during my fairly won free day.” 

“You are so full of yourself, serah” Cullen chuckled softly. “What makes you so sure of your triumph?” 

“I really hate Emprise du Lion, my dear Commander.” he said seriously, gaining more laughs from their audience. Cullen bared his teeth in a smile. He looked delighted. 

They circled each other, both of them waiting until the other one made the first move. Dorian dropped lower on his feet and didn't take his eyes away from Cullen. He knew danger when it stood before him.

"Is there a rule for me too? You hit me three times and you win?"

"No, would you like to?"

"It would be more exciting than 'fight me 'till you fall' you had going on in here. Honestly Commander, someone might think you are trying to show off." He shifted his staff to the other hand. Cullen twirled his sword. He was giving Dorian hard time to focus and it annoyed him to no end. Maker, preserve him from attractive men he befriended. 

"I've heard some of you would love to see me showing off," Cullen said with a wicked grin, mischief mixed with fondness clear in his eyes. It made Dorian's heart skip a beat. 

In the moment of distraction Cullen decided to strike. He rushed forward with his sword low to the ground, fast like one of the venomous snakes that loved to sunbathe on the rocks in his mother's garden and just as deadly. 

Dorian barely managed to raise his staff to block the blow but when the blade of the sword connected with it he felt it resonate painfully in his bones. The Ex-Templar probably saw it on his face, because a cocky smile stretched his lips.

"Is everything alright? You froze here for a moment, sweetheart" he pointed from the close proximity so only the two of them heard that.

Dorian gritted his teeth and ignored the slight flush coming to his cheeks at the nickname he was slowly becoming familiar with. It made him want to yell at the top of his lungs whenever Cullen's mouth formed the word, the deliciously raspy voice smoothing it and shaping it into a shiver going down his spine. He had no idea how the man could use a pet name without realizing it, but the pattern was clear here. 

At first Dorian thought Cullen used it towards all of his friends, but that theory was quickly dismissed as their companions were never on the receiving end of Cullen's pet names. Oh, the teasing and jokes and, occasionally when Leliana or Lavellan managed to drag him out of his office, drinking night and card games were there alright, but even then Commander wasn't as relaxed and quick to smile as he was with Dorian. The pet names were restricted only to Dorian. 

Maker, preserve him from Cullen Rutherford.

"I am perfectly alright, thank you for your concern" he breathed and quickly switched hands holding the staff to push the man away from him and quickly pushed the blade at the end of his staff at his midsection. Cullen dodged the jab gracefully by jumping left and hitting the staff away from himself. 

The cheers rose once again. Some of the men yelled encouragement to their Commander but, surprisingly, he heard a few directed to him and it made his lips curve in a smile. Someone was a bit bitter about constantly losing.

"Your men are betraying you."

Cullen dodged another swipe aimed at his head and quickly charged at Dorian again with his sword, barely missing Mage’s uncovered shoulder.

"I am not concerned. In a match between you and Lavellan I would cheer on you too."

"Would you choose me as your knight?" 

"And give you a handkerchief."

"How scandalous, don't you think it's a bit too straightforward for you, Commander?"

Cullen barked a short laugh and Dorian couldn't stop his smile as he crouched, barely avoiding a sword to his head. Then Cullen did something Dorian hardly saw, some kind of a complicated way of switching movement and suddenly a strong blow connected with his chest. It forced a breath out of him and threw him flat on his back. 

"So" Cullen started conversationally. "Do you still want the same rule as I have?" 

Dorian sent him a death glare.

"I refuse to be taken lightly. Same rules, Commander" he said, a little breathlessly as he got his legs under himself again. This time he crouched a bit, prepared in a battle stance for anything Cullen would throw at him. He had a pride of a Battlemage to maintain. 

"Then I believe it's one to zero, serah." 

Dorian squinted his eyes at his friend. He looked younger with a smile tugging at his lips. The worry lines were still there on his face but they had faded considerably and there was a certain kind of confidence in his steps that turned him into a center of attention. He usually despised it, more of a man who would prefer to stay on the sidelines of any social interactions no matter if it was between friends or complete strangers. He felt like he was too awkward and shy for that and always worried about his words or lack of them. It was wonderful to see him thrive under the attention of his men rather than try to hide away. Seeing him like that made Dorian's heart skip a beat or few.

He might hate it a little bit too. 

They charged at each other at the same time, both of them smiling widely. 

Their match went far longer than Cullen had expected and in the end mage’s determination was stronger, the sheer memory of crisp cold forests of Emprise du Lion forcing him to move even when he was out of breath and his muscles screamed at him every time he blocked the hit or dodged another blow in the ribs. When he finally threw Cullen down, people around them exploded with loud applause and cheers, breaking the tension there had been hanging over the training field. Their friendly match gathered a rather impressive audience. He could hear Iron Bull, Lavellan and Krem scanding his name from behind him and he was sure he could see Vivienne and Josephine clapping from his right, but the noise quickly faded into the background as he laid his eyes on the Commander again. 

Cullen was laying on the ground, looking exhausted. His curly hair was plastered to his forehead wet from sweat and free from his usual neat style. His arms were wide open as he panted heavily from the exertion he put himself under, but somehow he still looked near euphoric. His eyes watched the mage like he was bewitched by him, but the self satisfied smirk wouldn’t leave his face even when Dorian was pointing the blade of his staff at his throat, the sharp edges of it denting the soft skin of his as Cullen swallowed. The mage was thankful for their little match, he would explain his flushed cheeks as a side effect of the fight with the Commander rather than a sinful mind.

“It seems to me, Commander-” he said, his voice rough from exhaustion and trying to contain his emotions born from the sight in front of him. “-that I won.”

Cullen chuckled quietly and Dorian watched as the skin caught itself on the blade and broke. A small drop of blood flowed down the side of his throat and Dorian's eyes followed it before it disappeared under the chestplate leaving behind a red trail. Suddenly a desire to follow that droplet with his mouth and tongue almost overpowered him. He quickly took away his weapon and extended his hand to help the Ex-Templar get back to his feet.

Cullen took it gladly. 

*****

Dorian was used to the usual games the nobles of Tevinter loved to play with each other during their pompous dinners and fancy meetings. Here, in Orlais it wasn't so different from it so it took him little to no time to join them again. The nobles were distrustful of him at the beginning but also intrigued. An anecdote here, a compliment there won them over quickly though and soon enough he was greeted by people like an old friend. He was born and raised in this kind of an environment, he knew how to move around the treacherous ways of the game even before he was old enough to attend the places he could use this particular set of skills. Now he stood between jackets decorated with delicate lines of gold and flowing skirts and looked around feeling like he was back at home in Minrathous.

He also despised every second of it. 

“Look at all those imperious idiots pretending to like each other. I feel like I’ve entered a nest of vipers only looking for a perfect occasion to sink their fangs in my throat” Varric said from his left as they stood beside the band playing some cheerful song, apparently pretty popular one in Orlais as they watched many pairs walking towards the dancefloor.

“Don’t you dare to call them out on that out loud” he said, smiling as one of the women he managed to befriend in the last few hours looked his way and then on the dancing couples. He declined politely and turned fully towards Varric. “You might start a small scandal and we are trying to gain some friends here. I am surprised your charming personality is not working here.”

The dwarf snorted and then downed the full flute of champagne in one go. Dorian would be impressed if he wasn’t a bit concerned for his friend or considering joining him. Maker only knew if he had any choice in it he would be halfway into a state of pleasantly drunk.

“Nobles and great balls are not my thing, Sparkler. I feel like I'm suffocating in here from all of the perfumes and pretentious acts of ‘better than thou’ they have going on in here.” he scoffed and looked around. Then his face split in a smile and he skinned in the direction of the first floor. “Speaking of having no space to breath, our dear Commander looks like he is about to throw hands up there.”

Dorian looked where Varric was pointing and then quickly stuffed a laugh at the sight the man presented. Cullen stood with his back against the nearest wall as the noble men and women swarmed him from every side. Dorian couldn’t see his face from the distance but if the tense line of his shoulders and the sharp turns he took whenever someone got too close to him were any indication to how he was doing the answer was clear. He looked like a lion in a snakes' nest.

The mage sighed and looked down at his friend who was smiling knowingly at him. 

“I will send Cassandra to your rescue,” Dorian said, already moving away. “I’m sure she will appreciate your running commentary of the life of the upper class.”

“If you are able to scare her out of her hiding then be my guest.”

“She would love to be your knight in shiny armor, Varric, don't let her grumpy demeanor fool you.”

He didn’t hear the answer as he was quickly climbing the stairs, but he smirked to himself as he could imagine what it was. For someone who wrote so many second grade love stories Varric was pretty blind to a bright torch their Seeker carried for him. He was far too busy annoying the poor woman into giving him a bit of her time or just looking in his general direction. Dorian had a hard time deciding if it was a cute or a childish act. More times than not he considered yelling at them through the whole tavern. 

He did nothing mostly because he refused to be called a hypocrite.

As a servant walked past him he stopped the man for a moment. 

“Do you have a piece of paper and something to write with?” he asked. The man reached for his pocket and gave Dorian what he asked for. He scribbled a quick note on it and gave it back to the servant. 

“Please, take it to Seeker Penthagast.” The man skinned his head and went away with his quest. Dorian promised Varric he wouldn’t leave him alone. 

He walked through the crowd with straight shoulders and confidence in his step. It made him look like he was a man on a mission and nobles quickly moved away from his way. As he came closer to the small party that surrounded their poor Lion from every side he started hearing the cheerful voices of the nobles:

“Are you married, Commander?”

“Would you like to join me on my walk through the garden, Commander?”

“There is a room in here with a marvelous collection of paintings of templar’s battles, I can give you a private tour, Commander.”

Dorian had to suppress a laugh as he noticed the alarmed look on Cullen’s face as he took a step back when a lady in a baby blue dress tried to touch his arm. It was so clear Cullen wanted to run away screaming from this place, the mage was surprised he didn’t take his sword and just clear his way until he was free from everyone, but Josephine made him (and Lavellan as well) to give her a promise he would be at his best behavior during the night.

Dorian cleared his throat to get the attention of people and Cullen on himself. 

“Excuse me, my ladies and lords, but I fear I have to borrow our Commander. Inquisitor requested to speak with him” he said with a small smile. 

Cullen looked at him with such a relief it was a miracle he hadn’t started thanking him yet. 

The nobles took some steps back, not without loud complaints, as Cullen quickly walked to his side and together they went to one of the nearby balconies.

“Did something happen?” Cullen asked, eager to get away from the people and the noise. Stepping into the balconie he looked around and then frowned when he couldn’t see Lavellan. “Dorian?”

“I’ve just noticed you were in need of a rescue,” he said, shrugging. “You looked like you were about to jump out of your skin there, Commander.”

The man relaxed almost instantly at his words and laughed quietly. He took a step back and propped himself against the wall.

“Maker, sweetheart, you couldn’t choose a better time. One more wandering hand on my backside and I would start screaming.”

The mage shook his head in a fond exaggeration and walked toward the nearest bench while ignoring his heart’s usual reaction to Cullen’s pet name. It has been months since the first time the man accidentally used an endearment while speaking to him, but it still managed to make him feel breathless from the simple way the sweet sound rolled over him. Sometimes he dared to wonder if the man would still call him that if he ever pointed it out to Cullen what he was unconsciously doing. 

The night was pleasant. The crisp air was a stark contrast against the stuffy heat of the ballroom and Dorian couldn’t say he didn't welcome the break from it too. Cullen sat beside him and stretched his legs in front of him with a groan. 

“Did I save the great Lion of Ferelden?” he asked jokingly. 

“And possibly some other lives.”

“Does that make me a hero?”

Commander turned towards him and smiled softly. 

“My personal mage in shiny robes.”

Dorian could feel the irony here. 

“How long will it take for them to notice we are gone?” Cullen asked after a quiet moment. 

“I fear not as long as both of us would like. If we are lucky, we have around ten minutes of peace ” Mage could hear a certain kind of dread in his own voice and it made his lips turn into a grimace. Here, with his Commander, he wasn’t afraid of showing how he really felt about noblemen and their parties. He was born and raised in the Game but it didn’t mean that he had any fondness towards it. 

“I would never think you despised the gathering just as much as I did” The man reached towards the collar of his uniform and popped open the first two buttons with a sigh of relief. As much as Dorian was happy he managed to wiggle his way out of wearing the suit he was still able to admit that Cullen looked good in it even if it was clear as day that the man would like to come back to his armor and dead animal he called a cloak. 

“They would be eaten in the Tevinter Royal Court” he said with a slight sneer. Dorian waved his hand in the general direction of the ballroom. “Half of them are not as good at the cloak and dagger part of politics as they would like to think. They stumble. In Tevinter you had to master the game or you would be found with a dagger in your back before the dinner was even served.”

“That sounds like a rather dreadful end of a party.”

“Oh, no, my dear, that was a part of every single party I have attended in my youth. The party without an assassination attempt was a horribly dull party”

Cullen let out of himself a barking laugh and shook his head. 

“I am hoping I will never have to attend one of those.”

“I can assure you Commander most of the nobles would leave you alone. You are no magic and that’s the only thing that really matters in the court.”

“Maker, thank you for the ‘more magic than thou’ game they love to play. At least I wouldn’t feel the need of always having a wall behind me.”

“At least the hands wandering towards your lovely bottom wouldn’t be the cause of the feeling” he corrected him. Cullen flushed at the comment but the smirk playing at his lips was still present. They barely ever sat this close to each other and Dorian could feel the full force of the charming Lion of Ferelden turning his insides into a jelly and filling his mind with pictures of that smirk in slightly different circumstances. 

“I know how to deal with literal daggers being thrown at my back."

"It would be so much easier if it were only daggers we need to dodge in here" he agreed and the peaceful silence settled over them once again. Dorian could hear a faint music coming from the inside. It wasn't a melody he was familiar with, but trivial things like that have never stopped him before.

Dorian turned on his seat to face Cullen who returned the look with a flash of curiosity in his eyes. 

"Did they teach you how to dance in your Southern Circles, Commander?" He asked softly. 

He could see flush rising slowly to Cullen’s cheeks and ears, there was no way for him to hide it on his pale skin and Dorian found it endearing. The man looked sheepish as he raised his hand to massage his neck which alongside his blushing face gave away the anxiety Cullen was feeling. It was one of a few nervous ticks the man had and knowing it made his heart flutter.

“They… have tried, but I wasn’t the best of their students” he admitted with a small, bashful smile. Dorian hummed an acknowledgement and then raised to his feet. 

“I could teach you,” he said. 

“I’m really bad at it, Dorian. I will definitely step on your toes” Cullen’s face got even redder and he shook his head as if Dorian had requested an impossible task from him. 

“And I can definitely say you are downplaying your own abilities, my dear. Come on, “ he said. When he saw the man was looking for more excuses he bowed in front of him and reached his hand. It managed to keep Cullen quiet, but he looked like he was about to start in a second if Dorian was not quick enough. “Can I have this dance, Cullen?” 

The man in question looked frantically from the outstretched hand and to his face like it wasn’t an offer for a dance, but a demon ready to eat him if he took its hand and for a moment, Dorian had a passing thought he would decline anyway. Then, surprising both of them, Cullen sighed deeply and took his hand. The mage felt like his smile could split his face in two. 

“Stop that,” Cullen said with a frown when he saw his face. “When I step on you, you can’t complain about it. You asked, you pay for it.”

“I would never” he gasped theatrically at his words and it did what it was supposed to do. Commander’s lips shaped Dorian’s favorite crooked smile. 

“You definitely would, Dorian,” he said fondly. He let himself be pulled up and close to the mage. He could feel the heat radiating from Cullen even through the layers of their clothes. The usual smell of warm leather, burned wood and sweat surrounded him and Dorian couldn’t say he didn’t enjoy the surprisingly pleasing and comforting scent. 

From this close it was clear that Dorian had a few inches over Cullen, though the blonde was built sturdier with his wide shoulders and thicker arms. It wasn’t apparent usually since Commander had the air of control and confidence surrounding him and making him look taller. It actually took Dorian to literally run into their Commander a few months ago to notice their height differences. Before he could fall on his bottom Cullen quickly grabbed his arm and brought them together. When he looked at the man to thank him for saving him he noticed he actually had to look down and not up like he came to believe he would have to if they ever get close enough. Back when Dorian's attraction to the man was simply that and nothing else.

At this moment the man was trying to look everywhere but his face. His whole body radiated tension and when Dorian put his arm at his waist he could feel a jolt going through his body. 

“Relax” he murmured and shifted their position a bit so he could easily trace small circles with his thumb on Cullen’s back. “It’s okay to say ‘no’ if you are dreading dancing this badly, Amatus. We can go back to the bench and sit until someone comes looking for us.”

The word was a slip Dorian cursed himself for, but tried to maintain calm. Cullen looked up at him and the embarrassment adorned his face, but his eyes were clear of any doubt, full of such softness it made mage’s knees feel weak. He had to shift his weight from one leg to the other to check if he was still standing on the ground. He wanted to kiss Cullen so badly. 

“It’s not that. I… I’m really afraid I will step on your toes” he admitted while moving his shoulders like he was trying to shake off the remaining tension. The words helped settle both of them and Dorian nodded. 

“Just follow my lead, my dear” he said quietly and then started slowly swaying with Cullen. The melody that was playing now was similar to many played on Tevinter’s court and Dorian could easily follow its tune. 

The anxiety that Cullen felt soon dissolved entirely as they lazily circled the balcony. He let himself be moved around alongside Dorian and not so long after they started dancing he was humming the melody quietly to himself. 

“Do you know this song, Commander?” the mage asked curiously. 

“Not really” he said softly and, while feeling a bit courageous, twirled Dorian under his arm. The man laughed at the silly move Cullen had performed. It went surprisingly smoothly and made him smile too. “I’m sure Maryden played a variation of it in the tavern.” 

“Now that you mentioned it, I think she did.”

“Sometimes I can hear her singing in my office,” Commander said after a moment. The song was coming to an end and both of them could easily hear that. “You could… I mean - if you wanted to - teach me how to dance.” 

The flush on Cullen’s face, which faded significantly since they started, came back with full force but he kept his eyes firm on Dorian.

A Lion indeed, he thought to himself.

The mage squeezed his hand in an assurance. 

“I would be delighted to, my dear.”

*****

With every step his horse took he was closer to Adamant and it became difficult for Dorian to pretend he felt okay. The anxiety rose within him slowly ever since they left Skyhold with Inquisition's troops six days ago and by now it almost took hold over his whole heart. He tried to force it down, to calm himself, but it was impossible. 

I've taken a page out of Cullen's book, he thought grimly to himself. 

Thinking about the Commander wasn't helping too. The man rode in front of their soldiers alongside Lavellan. For the last two days he managed to catch only a glimpse of the familiar red coat and blond curls around the camp. Once he caught Cullen's eye while a scout brought him a message and he could see that the man wanted to say something to Dorian, but then he was hurried by Leliana's people and he lost sight of him again. 

Dorian didn't know if he was happy they couldn't talk or not. He had no idea what would he say to him, every scenario he ran in his head felt like their last words and he refused to believe this battle was their last. 

At the end of the sixth day Dorian was sitting in front of the fire with Krem, Cole and Bull, trying to eat their dinner, but he couldn’t force anything in. So, he pushed the porridge in his bowl around until Bull finally snapped and put down his food. 

“Okay, what’s wrong? You look like someone kicked your puppy” he asked while pointedly looking at the mage. Dorian looked at his friend like he didn’t know what he was talking about, but he knew if there was no way in Fade he would be able to fool Bull into believing him everything was perfectly fine. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” he said simply. 

Bull frowned at him and Krem sighed disappointed with the practice of someone who had to take care of insolence children day and night. Which, when you think of it, being a lieutenant of Charges was almost equal to it. Dorian cringed internally. 

“You’ve barely eaten during the last two days, you are more restless than usual and I don’t have to share a tent with you to know you have a hard time sleeping. Spill.” 

“Bull, come on-” 

“Spill” 

Mage sighed and slumped tiredly. 

“Is it something involving our dear Commander?” Krem asked after a moment of silence. 

Dorian stayed quiet. 

“Did he do something? Did you? I saw the two of you being as gross as usual with your flirting just before riding out of the Skyhold and I know you couldn’t talk to him whi- “ Iron Bull stopped his rant in the middle and the mage couldn’t stop squirming under his watchful eye. The normally appreciated sharp and quick minds of the two men beside him were the least welcomed things at the moment. He knew he could handle it differently, go and talk with Cullen, but from everything he wanted to say he couldn’t choose anything that didn’t sound desperate to his own ears. 

“A fear clenching his heart and throat, restraining the voice that would bargain with death itself if it dared to take away a sharp quiet laugh, a crooked smile, a familiar smell of burned wood, warm leather, a feeling of safety in his arms. The craving to touch, to caress the skin, so overwhelming it makes hands shake. Yet he stays quiet and watches from far away as the lion walks in front of him.”

Silence fell over three men as Cole, after being quiet for so long decided to speak. Dorian could feel his cheeks burning with embarrassment as he pointedly looked everywhere but his companions. 

“Ah, yes, thank you Cole” he said while quickly grabbing his staff and bag. “but what did I say about reading other people’s minds without their permission?”

“It’s rude?” Cole mumbled. 

“Yes, exactly” Dorian agreed as he got up. “It was a good talk gentlemen but I feel tired and- HEY!” 

He was abruptly cut off by Bull. He stood up so fast the mage barely registered that and then simply scooped him up and put him over his shoulder. Dorian’s bag hit the ground beside the fire but he was able to keep his staff in his hands. 

“Did you go mad? Put me down, Bull!” 

“Nope” he simply said and started walking fast in a direction unknown to Dorian. “You are going to stop moping and talk to the Commander or I swear, I will strangle you both.” 

As they walked through the camp a lot of soldiers turned their heads towards them to look at the strangest sight of a struggling mage and Iron Bull who wouldn’t be less bothered by curses flying in his directions. Some of the soldiers laughed, others shook their heads and went back to work. At some point he could hear Varric and Sera making sun of them. Dorian flipped them a bird. 

Finally after a moment Iron Bull stopped but he didn’t put him down. He was about to kick the qunari when he called:

“Commander, are you in there? I have a special delivery for you!” 

Dorian froze when he heard a chair scrape against the ground and footsteps moving closer to, apparently, an entrance to Cullen’s tent. 

“Of course, what is it Bull?” he heard Cullen and then the flaps of tent move. 

“I’m here to deliver a stupid mage. Sorry, I don’t take any returns” Bull said and then unceremoniously dropped Dorian into Cullen’s arms and just walked away. The man yelped, surprised and took a step back, but held his full weight steady, like it was a no hardship for him. Dorian felt like his face was on fire. He quickly scrambled away, standing on his own feet and straightening his tunic. 

“I’m so sorry, Commander,” he said quickly. “Bull thinks he is hilarious.” 

“Is there a reason he literally dropped you here?” Cullen asked, humor and a bit of confusion clearly coloring his voice. Dorian looked up then and realized how close they were to each other, because the former templar did not move away when he let Dorian go. He just stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. Even if it was late in the evening he was still fully armored, his cloak was gone though. 

The mage was stuck in place. After all those days longing for Cullen he felt panic rise its head inside his heart. He moved his weight from one leg to the other and turned slowly away. He felt his fingers tighten over his staff, finding a small comfort in its sturdiness. At least this one has never betrayed him.

“Nothing of importance, Commander. Just a joke Bull thought would be appreciated.” He smiled at Cullen then and waved a hand in a quick goodbye. “I apologize for disturbing you, my dear.” 

He started walking back towards his own tent, while thinking about the best way to get his small revenge for embarrassing him like that in front of the former templar. 

“Dorian, wait!” 

Dorian froze in his place and turned around to see Cullen looking at him with desperation in his eyes. He looked around like he was trying to find an excuse for his friend to stay. He wanted to, so badly. 

Commander finally looked at him and straightened up. 

“Would you care for a quick match? I’ve taken my chess with me, you see.” 

Dorian smiled at a small blush coloring his Commander’s cheeks and then nodded. 

“I would love to play, my dear” he said warmly. 

A grin Cullen sent his way could as well be a beacon in the night. Dorian would follow it to the Fade and back. 

Their chess matches became two and then more. Since Cullen’s tent, even if big enough for a person to stand in it didn’t really have much of furniture, only a cot far away from the walls to keep the seaking coldness away and a small table that had a quill on it, candles and, until they pushed it away so they could put a chess board down, a stack of papers for Cullen to read. Reports from scouts, requests from the quartermaster and letters he should be answering right now. 

Instead he was laughing at a story from Dorian’s youth. How he and Felix almost got caught sneaking at night in Magisterium’s library - a place where they definitely shouldn’t have been at that age. 

“... Felix has heard footsteps getting closer and closer to us and he started panicking! We were stuck in a corridor with no open doors and only a window as our way to salvation, Felix was still holding half of the armor he accidentally knocked down on me and I, still dizzy from being hit by a helmet” he put his hand on the back of his head to show more or less where he was struck. The armor gave him a concussion he had to hide from his parents, which wasn’t an easy trick when your mother was one of the best healers in The Empire and liked to check on you. 

“Did they… did they catch you?” Cullen asked in between fits of giggles. His face was red from trying to stop them and his eyes shone from tears but he looked relaxed while he definitely couldn’t focus on their game. Dorian felt great pleasure in hearing that laughter, and if he used the distraction for cheating a little bit? It would be between him and the board. 

“No, they didn’t! And you know why?” 

“Why?” 

“Because, I kid you not, Felix shoved the bloody armor into my hands and then pushed me out of the window!” He threw his hands dramatically to emphasize how scandalized he was by his friend’s actions. Cullen had to put his hand to his mouth to muffle his wheezing laughter but his shoulder shook in a helpless manner. He put the other hand behind himself for support as he leaned backward. 

“Maker’s breath, how high were you?” 

“First floor but thankfully there were bushes of roses under the window. I came back home with a bruised head and scrapes from thorns but at least I’ve got what I wanted.” 

“And what was that, my lord?” 

“That’s for me to know, Commander” His lips turned up into a smirk when he heard a groan of disappointment. 

“The hit to the head explains why you are so insufferable” Cullen murmured but with good humor. “Don’t think I didn’t see you moving my bishop.” 

“Are you accusing me of cheating?” Dorian couldn’t help to keep an overly dramatic gasp from leaving him. “I am hurt, serah!” 

“You will live.” 

The man stretched then and looked around, noticing now how dark it was. 

“Maker, how long have we been playing this?” he asked surprised. The mage shrugged. 

“I don’t know. Time always runs faster in a good company” he answered and then stood up. “But I think I should leave now, my dear Commander. I need my beauty sleep, you see.” 

Cullen stood up too but he looked a bit awkward, like he wanted to say something, but didn’t know how. Dorian waited for a moment beside the entrance of the tent, but the former templar said nothing. He put his hand in a pocket of his robe and felt a cool touch of his family’s seal. An idea struck him and he turned around. 

“Cullen-” 

“Dorian I-” 

Both men looked at each other surprised they had spoken at the same time. A blush was slowly forming its way on Commander’s cheeks, easily seen even in the faint light from a few candlelights still burning in the tent. Cullen smiled at him and waved his hand as to say ‘you go first’. 

Dorian swallowed thickly, his throat suddenly felt like he didn’t have a drink in weeks. He fiddled for a moment with a chain of the necklace to try to gather his thoughts. 

“I… I wanted to give you something” he started. He moved back into the tent to stand in front of his Commander. He pulled the necklace out of his pocket and looked down at it. “It’s my family’s seal. It is charmed with a barrier from magical attacks. I wish for you to wear it when we reach Adamant.” 

He took Cullen’s hand, free from its usual gloves and put the necklace into it. Cullen looked up at him then, a faint blush coloring his cheeks, and shook his head. 

“Dorian, I can’t-” he started but Dorian squeezed his hand. 

“Please, Cullen. Take it. It would sooth my heart to know that you are at least safe from curses.” 

His friend looked at his face like he was searching for something and clearly he found it because his face softened and shoulders lost some of their tension. 

“Of course. Will you put it on me?” he asked while moving the seal closer to Dorian. The man took it from him and with a grimace noticed his hands shook slightly when he moved his arms around Cullen’s neck. They were standing so close Dorian could feel his breath on his cheek and the heat radiating from him. Commander’s eyes followed his every move and the mage couldn’t help the heat rising slowly in his stomach. 

“I don’t have anything for you” Former templar said quietly when a gold necklace rested over his chest. 

“You don’t have to, my dear” he hesitated and then added. “Just promise me you will be careful. I can’t bear the thought of you coming to harm. You being alive and safe at the end of it would be enough for me.” 

Silence fell upon them and Dorian had a brief moment of panic that he misunderstood what was between them. It terrified him that he had no idea what he would do if Cullen rejected him. A wound made by a dragon would probably hurt far less than that. 

“Dorian-” He felt a hand touching his cheek. A thumb moving soothingly over his skin. A tiny spark of hope Dorian felt since their dance at the Winter Palace started a fire inside of him, warming his limbs and making his fingers tingle with a need to feel Cullen, sweet and brave Cullen, under them. 

“I spent years wanting to protect people without any care for my well being. After what had happened during Kinloch I didn’t think anything worse would strike me when I pushed myself to do unimaginable in the name of duty I falsely thought was right. Now, I have to lead our forces to battle but I can’t help the fear closing around my throat. I'm afraid my luck will end here, and this time I won't be able to slip away from the blades and daggers thrown my way. I also know if it comes to it I will fight tooth and nail to come back, because-” Cullen looked up at him with a bashful smile. "There is this Evil Tevinter Magister who wormed his way into my heart over a year ago. He is a handsome man with wits so sharp it left me scraping for words more times than I can count. He hates the cold so much he fought me in our training ring so I would cover for him when Lavellan insisted he had to go to Frostbacks with him. He is a really sweet and kind man and I would hate it if I left him alone."

Dorian felt like he couldn’t breathe. Those soft words reverberated in his head and made him dizzy. His heart pounded so hard and fast against his ribcage he was afraid it would soon jump out of it and run away. 

“I have another request” he said while moving his hand to touch Cullen’s, still resting against his cheek. He moved it away to intertwine their fingers. 

“Anything” Cullen breathed. 

“Can I have a kiss, Commander? For good luck.” 

Instead of answering Cullen took a small step towards him and leaned forward. Dorian stopped breathing just before scarred lips touched him. He heard a soft whine, he couldn’t tell who made it, but he was almost positive it was him. 

Cullen kissed him with such softness it sent a wave of electricity down his spine. His heart swelled with emotion as he brought his hands to cup Commander’s face. He felt strong arms close around his waist and tugged him closer. They were touching from their chests to hips and Dorian couldn’t stop a quiet moan from leaving his throat. Cullen tightened slightly his grip on him. For a moment, Dorian thought his knees wouldn't be able to hold his weight anymore but then the kiss stopped. They couldn’t make themselves move away though so Dorian rested his forehead against Cullen’s. 

“Well, look at that.” he said with a smile tugging at his lips. “I feel like the luckiest man in Thedas.” 

A muted laugh escaped Cullen’s lips. For a moment here Dorian felt like nothing in the world could possibly harm them. 

*****

Cullen’s consciousness came back to him slowly. At first he started hearing people talking around him but he couldn’t focus enough on them to actually hear the words, and then he faded away again. When he woke up again, he still couldn’t open his eyes, he felt heavy and even if his head was full of cotton, waves of pain flew through his body with every rough beat of his heart. He quickly fell asleep again. 

When for a third time his mind managed to catch up with reality he slowly opened his eyes. For a moment he was confused about his whereabouts but quickly noticed he was lying in a bed in the Infirmary. It was probably late in the night - or early in the morning? - because the room was dark. The only source of light was a torchlight that seeped from under a closed door opposed to the main entrance of their small hospital. Almost every single bed was occupied by sleeping soldiers and for a moment Cullen dreaded how many of them weren’t so lucky. The last thing he remembered was a sight of Dorian falling back from the Fade alongside Inquisitor, Bull and Hawke, Stroud nowhere to be found. Then, he remembered a sudden pain blossoming in his side and stomach. For a moment he thought he heard Dorian scream his name and then the earth shudder, but he couldn’t be sure. He lost consciousness soon after that. 

I hope Dorian is okay, he thought. 

He had no idea how many days had passed since the battle, but it was at least four if he was in Skyhold. He felt weak, barely able to move his arm and after a sharp tug he gave up any attempts of moving. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes once again. 

When he opened them again it was already light from the sun shining through the windows. Healers were busy between the beds giving away any kind of medications and checking out the wounds. He could hear a few of his people moan in pain, but otherwise it was quiet. 

He felt drowsy, even moving his eyes and blinking was a strain on his strength, but after what he thought were days of sleeping he was unable to drift back again. It wasn’t anything new to him, it happened many times during his years as a templar, being tired from sleeping, and he couldn’t really do it well these days anyway. The amount of work and the idea of choking cold nightmares he started associating with his bed managed to keep him away from it for days sometimes. Discussing their next steps with Inquisitor, Leliana and Josephine; drilling their troops so when the time comes they will be able to survive the blows of the enemies falling down on them; playing chess with Dorian in the gardens sometimes late into the evening when the staff lit up the torches; it kept him distracted and pushing. He hated feeling as helpless as he was now, because no amount of his stubbornness would make him get up from the bed he was lying on. His muscles felt useless and weak from not being used and this awfully pulsing headache kept pounding mercilessly in his temples. His side wouldn’t stop reminding him of itself, the wound pulling on him with white hot pain every time he drew a breath. 

He became so focused on how he was feeling he did not hear a tell tale sound of a crutch getting closer to him until it stopped right beside his bed. 

“Look who decided to join the land of living!” 

The loud, cheerful voice startled him enough into a flinch which he regretted soon after when his whole body screamed in protest. 

“I’m sorry Curly, thought you heard me coming” Varric said. Slowly, the dwarf sat down on a small chair beside Cullen’s bed. Bruised and scratched skin peaked out from under his tunic and his right leg was tied with bandages so the dwarf could move it at all but sans that he looked all right. He lowered himself on the chair situated beside Cullen’s bed with a heavy sigh. “You gave all of us quite a scare back there. Sparkler almost went insane when he saw you.”

He tried to ask what had happened but every attempt of speaking felt like someone poured sand into his throat quickly leading to him coughing. It hurt like hell and for a moment he thought he reopened his side and blood was slowly drenching his bandages again, but then one of the healers came quickly to him with a glass of water and a potion of some kind. It quickly soothes the pain into something manageable and washed dustlike feelings from his throat. 

“Try to speak as little as possible for now” Healer said gruffly. “It’s been over a week since Inquisitor came back with you and your soldiers. Speaking now might put a strain on you.”

Cullen nodded quickly and cooperated with the man so he could quickly check on him and get back to his other duties. It left him breathless when he had to force his body to move with the help of both healer and, surprisingly, Varric, but after twenty minutes the man was gone. The ex-templar looked sharply at the dwarf beside him. 

“A week?” he said and winced from how harsh his voice was to his own ears. Varric snorted quietly. 

“You can’t listen to healers even after they barely snatched you away from the hands of Maker, can you? You stubborn ass” he shook his head with a small smile tugging at his lips. Cullen was positive he would strangle him if he delayed the explanation even more. He looked at him pointedly hoping that his glare would be enough to force Varric to speak. 

“We won the battle” The dwarf finally took pity on him and spoke. Commander relaxed at that but still kept his eyes firmly on his companion, hurrying him to talk. “After you dropped, it wrapped quite quickly because of your man. I was too far away to truly see what was happening with him, but I felt it. The ground shook under my legs when Sparkler started summoning his… dead friends. “

He stopped here for a moment seemingly deep in his thoughts. Cullen grew even more impatient with every second, worrying about Dorian getting into him even more along with it, but before he could press him for more answers Varric started speaking again. His voice was hushed and shoulders bent under unseen burden. With his boyish smiles and stories always ready to entertain more people Cullen sometimes forgets that Varric has been there with him in Kirkwall, seeing all of the unnecessary suffering of innocent people. Both of them saw their fair share and then a bit more. 

“He somehow found a way to summon half of the battlefield. I swear, this time I am not exaggerating anything here, you have no idea how terrifying that was to see. When I finally got close enough to him it looked like he lost control in there for a moment. Our enemies fell only to be raised again by Dorian. He looked every ounce like Anders when he blew up the chantry and I thought that would be it. Everyone who thought Corypheus was the biggest threat to Thedas for sure never saw a grieving man on his way for vengeance. For a moment we thought we lost both of you to a single, piercing blow. 

“And then I’ve noticed that Lavellan and Iron Bull made their way to you. They took off your helmet and checked on you and I saw Bull raising his head to scream at Dorian that you are still alive and need a healer. It took a moment for Sparkler to catch up, but when he did it was like someone cut away strings of many marionettes. When every dead soldier finally fell we noticed that Sparkler’s rampage cleared the field from almost everything and everyone who he considered a foe. The ones who were still standing quickly surrendered and then there was a race to get you to the closest healer. That-“

Varric paused and started counting on his fingers. 

“... happened ten days ago. Definitely not an experience I would like to repeat.”

The dwarf fell quiet leaving Cullen to his own thoughts on the matter. He despised himself for bringing so much pain to Dorian and almost breaking a promise he gave that evening in the tent. When he saw him jumping out of the rift along with the rest of the party following Inquisitor he was overwhelmed with relief. In that moment he could only see Dorian, his bloodied clothes and how he was supporting himself on his staff, but he was there, in Cullen’s view, and he wanted nothing but to run to him. He wanted to run his hands through his hair and kiss him breathless, hold him against his chest to feel the heat radiating from him and his thundering heartbeat. 

For a moment he forgot he should be moving.

For a moment he forgot he should be fighting a demon. 

He felt the weight of Dorian’s seal on his neck-

And then came an all consuming pain, burning every thought in its wake and every little thing that made him feel like Cullen Rutherford. There was only screaming and earthquakes he felt in his bones and then darkness and fire consumed him whole. 

He wanted to see Dorian. The crave to see him overtook him. Why wasn’t he here beside him? Was he angry? Did he deem him not worthy of his affections? He turned his head towards Varric to ask for mage, but he frowned and his vision gained a sick kind of waves and shadows on the edge of it. He was out before he mustered a word. 

During the next few weeks Cullen was forced to fully focus on his recovery. Cassandra took over the troops ( Not permanently, she said when she visited him two days later after Varric did. She carefully patted his arm in a reassuring way. From here it came more like an awkward ‘there’ moment, but he was still grateful for his friend. I expect you to take our soldiers from me as quickly as you will be able to. They miss your shouting over their heads. ) and she evened the paperwork between herself and Leliana. The spy master, not as keen to stick to the Healers’ words of not putting any work on him as the others were, liked to write her letters and signing documents beside his bed where he could actually see what she was doing. It somehow gave him something to do while he couldn’t get up from the bed. He could never sit still for a long time. 

He quickly learned that Inquisitor took a party with him to Emprise du Lion and literally dragged Dorian away with him. It happened a day before he truly woke up and from what he heard from Healers and Leliana, the mage refused to leave him alone ever since they finally arrived at Skyhold. Only Bull and Krem succeeded at pulling him away from the bed to get something to eat and sleep for a few hours and only because they had promised they would stay beside him until Dorian came back. Apparently during the first two days his heart managed to stop four times before their mages stabilized him. He could understand his need to stay beside him all the time. If their situation was reversed and Dorian was the one who barely slipped away from the clutches of death, even horses wouldn’t be able to drag Cullen away from him. 

Under watchful eyes of Skyhold’s Healers and a constant flow of potions that more times than not left him dizzy and sleepy he was quickly recovering. After two weeks from being wounded Cullen was slowly making his way around Skyhold with Jospehime or Leliana at his side. Every small step strained his strength and left him breathless, he was a stubborn man and tried not to show how much walking exhausted him but he quickly learned that there was no point in trying to outsmart their spymaster or diplomat and he came to accept it after some time. At least their subtlety was better than Cassandra’s blatant pushing him into chairs when she thought he was definitely overworking himself. 

He missed having Dorian at his side during some of the nights when he couldn’t sleep. The man had a bad habit of staying late at their library and Cullen used that knowledge many times to ease his brain and headaches fueled by lack of lyrium. Their conversations were never dull and if Commander managed to snatch a bottle of wine on his way to the library there were times when there were only two of them on there and Leliana’s ravens. Swapping stories of their youth, fond memories and those less happy ones, banter, a simple gossiping about recent activities of their fellow friends; often carried both of them into early morning as they stumbled back to their quarters.

When no one was paying attention to him he played with the chain of the necklace Dorian gave him. The metal was always warm to touch and he knew it absorbed his body heat but Cullen liked to think it was because of some kind of spell the mage put on it. It comforted him greatly and helped him sleep through the time when nightmares brought with them a familiar figure of the mage to haunt his tired mind. 

Now, three week since Adamant, Cullen was lying in a bed that wasn’t his. Jospehine refused to let him back to his actual room and forced him to stay in one of the guest chambers that was recently vacated by nobleman from Orlais. He despised this room. The luxury of it was rubbing his senses in a bad way, making him feel restless and irritated whenever he had to spend a night in it. The smell of expensive perfume was too heavy in the air for his likeness and the mattress was too soft reminding him of this time when he fell into a swamp during his templar training. The mud instantly climbed his body, softly sinking him to the bottom no matter how hard he fought it. The feeling was much the same minus the cold, smelly water. 

Dorian would probably love the luxury, he thought wistfully. 

With a picture of Dorian lying next to him he finally fell asleep. 

During this whole time no letters came from Inquisitor’s party and Cullen was getting a little anxious. Usually during long trips Lavellan and other members of his Inner Circle used to write letters, mission reports or just normal, personal messages to their friends remaining in the Skyhold. Since the day they marched out though, during Ex Templar’s unconsciousness, there was no word, not even a simple note passed to the runners for Leliana or Josephine. Cullen refused to think about party getting caught in an ugly skirmish with the enemy, but sometimes, when he wasn’t careful and his exercises (strictly written by Josephine and their Healers and watched over by Cassandra) couldn’t clean his thoughts from anything than the exhaustion and pain he felt when he had to move; his mind wandered away from him and from Skyhold. 

Then someone decided to pay him a visit and it was far easier to stop thinking about Dorian being attacked by the Venatori and Red Templars somewhere in the wilderness where Cullen couldn’t help him. 

Avoiding his older sister’s anger for not writing and kindly informing her of his injuries was taking his whole time. 

“Cullen Stanton Rutherford” Mia yelled, marching through the courtyard with her husband Daniel and two kids right behind her, looking like a storm claimed her face and Cullen felt his blood turning cold. A gate guard trotted behind her trying to stop her, but he knew that nothing could stop Mia when she was on a rampage. 

“The only reason I could accept you not informing us about being literally impaled by a demon was if you lost both of your hands, but I see you are all intact!” 

He looked panicked at Daniel, counting on him to try and calm down his wife a bit but the man only shook his head and smiled apologetically. It almost sounded like “You bought it on yourself” and Cullen thought it was fair. 

“I know you are angry…” he started, but Mia was so close to him he took a few steps back. It probably looked hilarious to people around him, the proud Lion of Ferelden cowering from a shouting woman, but if any of them knew Mia like he did they would do the same. 

“I don’t care for your excuses Cullen! A month! I had to learn about your injuries from a merchant passing through our town from Skyhold! I can’t believe you! Kinloch! Kirkwall! And it apparently didn’t teach you anything yet! I swear to Maker, I will kill you if you won’t do it yourself first, because you are too stunted to keep yourself out of danger!”

She came to him with her arms raised like she wanted to hit him, but he caught her wrists and carefully pulled her closer to hug her. She went willingly and after a moment he could hear a tiny sniff from her and feel how her shoulders shook. 

“I am alive Mia. I am okay.” He petted her hair slowly waiting for her to calm down. 

“You have a hole in your stomach” she grunted. 

“Our Healers did a good job, they took care of me and I am healing fast. The proof is that I am standing in front of you and not lying down on a bed. I am taking it slow, I swear.” 

“Not from the lack of trying” he heard a chuckle from behind him. He turned and sent a stormy look towards Varric and Cassandra walking towards them. The warrior looked confused between him and his sister, but Varric only smiled wider when they came closer. Daniel took it as a sign he won't suffer a backlash from his wife. When Mia backed away he came to give Cullen a hug too. 

“I agree with her. You are an idiot” he said, but not unkindly. Cullen couldn’t hold a smile. The man was a good pair for his sister, a stoic kind of a person who would withhold a storm of Mia without any troubles. He held a lot of Cullen’s respect. 

“You agree with everything she says.” 

“Only because she is right and I am not an idiot.” 

When they parted he looked down at Varric. 

“Did something happen?” he asked. 

“Not really. A runner came telling us about a woman who is threatening you and we just had to see it.” Dwarf just shrugged his shoulders and turned to his sister. “You are Mia, right? Cullen told us about you.” 

“Oh, so he talks about his family?” she asked with a pretended surprise. “I thought he was so closed off he barely even spoke a word to you since he didn’t. Write. To us.” 

Cullen took a deep breath. 

“He used to be in Kirkwall. He recovered from a stick that was shoved up his ass and now he tries to be less awkward around us.” 

Mia and Daniel laughed at that. 

“We didn’t know anything could remove it,” Daniel said with a smile. 

“Well, we needed the help of a mage for that” Cassandra added and Cullen couldn’t believe it. He sent her a pained look and she just shook her head. 

Great, he thought, betrayed by a dear friend. 

“Aren’t you hungry? You came all this way from Honnleath, you are probably tired” he said quickly before his sister would get on the trail to find some dirt on her younger brother. 

*****

It didn't take long for Mia and the rest of her family to get used to life at Skyhold. Daniel and Mia decided to stay with them until they were sure Cullen recovered fully and from one side he was grateful for that because that meant Cassandra and the rest of the Advisors could fully take care of their duties. From the other… 

Mia couldn’t stop bothering him about Dorian. Ever since Cassandra mentioned him a few days ago she constantly tried to bring him into conversation. She thought she was subtle, but if they had anything common with each other it was being unable to do anything subtly, both of them blunt to the point. He only told her he was his friend, because he couldn’t imagine what else could he really say. There was something between him and the mage,but he couldn't be confident in it. 

And it wasn’t like he could ask Dorian for clarification. 

He loved his sister. He really did, but her never ending questions about his finally developed social life left him drained and really not in a mood to talk. Especially when she decided to torment him when he was in the middle of exercises. They were easy kinds of stretches to help the freshly healed skin and muscles, the pain though settled into his bones every time he was done with them. His sister tried to help him a few times, but he said it wouldn’t do him any good if he couldn’t go through exercises alone. So she just stayed with him and if it wasn’t her it was Daniel. 

Daniel at least kept their conversations away from Dorian ever since he saw a pained expression on his face when the man was brought by Mia. Bless the man, there was a reason why Cullen liked him. 

Currently they were sitting in the tavern, it was an early morning and Cullen, just as the rest of his family, liked to eat breakfast before the rest of the Skyhold woke up for good. Surprisingly for him, Varric was also a morning person. He sat at the table beside Cullen and told his nephews a few stories about Hawke, the one that was actually more suited for kids. The first time when Varric mentioned he wrote the story of the Champion the kids swarmed him and asked for him to tell them more about Hawke until he said yes. It didn’t take long for him to say yes. So now, even if it was early in the morning the Herald’s Rest was full of delighted chatter and laughter. 

The mist still hung low in the courtyard, but the sun was warming up the stone of the hold fast. Dorian would like it, he thought while looking through the closest window. The sky looked clear from any clouds which could block the sunshine. Usually if he was in the hold, the man would take his books and sit down in the gardens beside their table and read until Cullen came to ask him for a quick round of chess or just to talk. 

He was deep in his thoughts when a sudden movement on the courtyard took his attention. Two messengers run through the Skyhold. One climbed the stairs to the main building while the other rushed towards the tavern. She was clearly looking for the Commander. 

With a lump in his throat he stood up and walked towards the entrance. The doors have opened and the soldier almost collided with him, but she managed to catch herself on the door frame. 

“Serah” she said, her voice breathless. “ The Inquisitor’s party was spotted approaching the Skyhold. They are more or less an hour away.” 

He left the breath he was holding and an invisible weight suddenly was hoisted from his shoulders. 

“Thanks the Maker” he said under his breath and then towards the runner: “Did they look like they needed healers?” 

“No, Serah.” 

“Notify the healers just in case. They might need it anyway.” 

The woman saluted and turned on her heel. From where he was standing he could see Josephine and Leliana already emerging from the hall. With a passing word to his sister he hurried towards the Advisors. 

The last hour felt like another month to Cullen. Every minute stretched impossibly long making it hard to endure and turned him restless. After asking his family to carry on with their day and a quick conversation with Josephine and Leliana he couldn’t help himself and hovered close to the gate. He couldn’t mask the way he was worried and since they wouldn’t let him wear his armor yet he had nothing to do with his hands, no straps to adjust, no sword to hold for comfort. The fortress was readying for the returning people and the whole place buzzed from the excited chatter of soldiers and visiting nobility. Everyone wanted to know what had happened to the Inquisitor during a month of silence. The amount of tales that was born in the meantime was endless and didn’t help to ease his heart. Cullen was anxious about the state in which his people will be back. The last battle took too many good soldiers from them, they almost lost most of the Inner Circle and their Inquisitor, and his wound was not to be taken lightly. No matter how you put it, it was a miracle he survived and he thanked the Maker for this blessing and help he got. 

He couldn’t keep his mind away from Dorian since there was only an hour between them and suddenly all his worries and thoughts crashed at him like waves of a sea during a storm. He had so many questions to Lavellan, all about what had happened, why they stopped sending reports, but he needed to see Dorian first. Take his hands in his and check for himself that the man was unharmed and real, right in front of him. 

Too many nights brought with themselves treacherous visions of the mage standing in his room. Too many nights invaded his dreams with a voice calling to him through the veil of dream only for him to wake up alone in a dark and unfamiliar room. 

Finally a sound of hooves hit their ears and it wasn’t long after it when he saw the first men entering the bridge. When they got close to the gate he called to the soldier to make a way and he himself moved to the side so the riders wouldn’t have any troubles with entering Skyhold. In the midst of horses and soldiers he spotted Iron Bull easily, with his tall figure and horns he towered over everyone. Right beside him was Lavellan. The man looked a little bit banged here and there, his right arm hung on a sling and his chestplate was dented over his collarbone, but he was smiling towards Iron Bull and laughed at some joke Krem said. He could make some bruises here and there stark against his dark skin, but beside that he looked okay. He definitely needed to have a talk with the Inquisitor, but his eyes strayed away looking for a familiar staff. His worry raised when he couldn’t see Dorian when Iron Bull and Krem saw him and rode straight towards Cullen. He definitely was okay, if they were smiling, right? For all the bickering and fights Bull and Dorian are dear friends, it is easy to see to anyone who takes a moment to look at them. So the man has to be okay, but why can't the Ex-templar see him yet? 

“You look way better than the last time I saw you” Iron Bull started. He climbed down the horse - an enormous white mare with dark spots on her nose - and put his hand on Cullen’s arm to squeeze it lightly. Krem joined them soon after and Cullen could see Lavellan moving behind them. The elf nodded in his direction and sent him a smile and Cullen automatically responded in the same manner. He was quickly spotted by Leliana and Josephine and then he disappeared from his eyes. He turned towards Iron Bull. 

“You would need more than a demon to bring me down” he said and Qunari’s laughter boomed through the courtyard turning a few heads towards them. 

“It was uncomfortably close to that Commander, I would hate to hear you slipped when we were away” Krem added with a groan when he finally slipped down his horse. Cullen was sure he heard him mumble I hate horse riding, but Bull stole his attention again. 

“Please spare our more furious mages and try to keep yourself in one piece. Speaking of which,” he said with a nod behind Cullen. “I think this is the one you were looking for. 

Cullen turned around fast enough to feel a dull tug of pain in his guts and looked frantically around. Dorian entered the courtyard, one of the few people not riding a horse. His clothes looked dusty and his coat was ripped in a few places. He was visibly tired, dark circles stark against his skin which made him look like he smugged his kohl, his movement was sluggish and he dragged his feet. His usually perfectly cut hair grew longer than usual and he had to brush them back with his hand. He looked exhausted, but alive just a few meters away from the Ex-Templar. 

“Dorian” he choked out, his throat seized by relief and adoration in equal measures. 

Cullen started running towards the man even before he registered his legs moved. He had to get close to Dorian as fast as he could, feel the warmth of him under his hands, smell the familiar spices that cling to Dorian no matter how road-weary and dirty he was. People made a way for him easily and turned around with curiosity, but when they noticed the mage not that far away most of them smiled to themselves and kept on walking. It wasn’t meant for their eyes. 

Dorian finally spotted him when Cullen was two steps away from him. Cullen barely registered a dull sound of staff and bag hitting the pavement when he was caught by Mage’s arms around him. A noise close to a sob reached his ears and he couldn’t say with full honesty if it came from him or from Dorian. He paid it no mind, the only thing that mattered to the Commander now was the way Dorian melted in his arms fitting them together, his fingers in Cullen’s hair and arm around the middle. He couldn’t stop the way his whole body was trembling from the contact. Or maybe it was the mage. 

They stood like that for a long moment without a word.

“I was afraid that when Lavellan dragged me away it would be the last time I saw you,” he heard soft words spoken against his ear after what felt like an eternity and a blink of an eye at the same time. “I hated him for that. I saw you lying there, your skin the same color as the sheets they put you on and breath barely audible. When we were moving you back to skyhold I couldn’t sleep thinking that if I do you would slip away from me, and he dared to take me away.” 

A wave of grief for his friend’s pain went through his body making his heart trobb. He shuffled back slowly, ignoring the sudden cold it brought with the loss of contact, but he needed to see Dorian’s face properly. He needed him to see his. 

“I woke up a few days after you left. Heard about what had happened from Varric.” His words were equally quiet to Dorian. He reached with his hands and touched the man’s cheek. He traced a dark bruise under his eye with his thumb. “We had no news from you. If you sent anything ravens couldn’t reach us. I could only think of all that went wrong and you were lying somewhere pierced by a sword or burned by magic. It filled me with such dread I spent my nights wide awake more times than didn’t. “ 

Dorian raised his hand so he could encircle his fingers around Commander’s wrist. He wasn't trying to move it away, he simply held it there with his eyes closed. 

“We were surrounded by Venatori. They turned vicious after the Adamant so we decided to cut the communication unless we would need it desperately.” 

Cullen nodded and looked closely at the man. It was only then when he noticed marks sprouting on his arm. He took his arm to look closely at them. 

The thin, barely healed scars started at the tips of his fingers and moved down his forearm to his elbow. The burned marks circled around his wrist, separate lines crossed each other in a few places. They looked like lightning engraved themselves on his dark skin. 

“What has happened?” he asked. 

Dorian was quiet for a moment, looking down at their joined hands and Commander was afraid he pushed too much, but thankfully he didn’t try to take his arm away. He was about to apologize when Mage finally spoke. 

“It happens when you use more magic than you are able to store in your body. You start to draw it directly from the Fade and it… the more you take the more it burns” he explained. 

He didn’t have to say when it happened. 

“I am sorry-” he started, but Dorian quickly shook his head and smiled at him surprisingly lightly. It warmed Cullen all over. 

“You see, Amatus, I think the barbarian ways of Ferelden started to rub on me, because when I look at them the only thing I feel is pride. Especially now when I can finally see you standing right in front of me.” 

The Ex-Templar returned the smile and traced his fingers over the lines with curiosity. 

“Sweetheart, I-” he stopped and frowned slightly when he realized what he said. He wasn’t sure if he could call Dorian that and he felt panic starting in his throat and blush spreading on his cheeks. From all the words and gestures was it something Dorian wanted? Both of them circled each other for over a year, starting from reluctant companions and moving to cautious friends and then Cullen couldn’t stop his growing fondness for the man. They shared a moment in his tent right before the battle, but-

“You know, you call me this all the time and I don’t know why” Dorian said, successfully startling him away from his thoughts. 

“I do?”

“Yes. I think you do it when you are distracted or overwhelmed by strong emotions. Happy, content. Comfortable. The first time you called me ‘sweetheart’ I almost fell on my face. Though I misheard you at first, because you looked like nothing just happened or it was a normal thing for you. Then I heard it again when you hid me from Sera and it made me think if you use it towards your friends, but I was wrong once again. You only call me that, and I am curious.”

Cullen’s cheeks were as red as the tainted lyrium. 

“I uhh… I am sorry, I didn’t know I was doing that,” he stammered and looked away from Dorian. 

“I don’t mind it, I actually wouldn’t mind if you kept at it.”

He looked up to see his Mage looking at him and it was the first time he would call him sheepish. He let hope swell in his chest. A smile forced its way on his face and he squeezed Dorian’s hand. 

“It is a habit I brought from my hometown. Affection is not something we hide and we like to show it in gestures and words. My mom used ‘sweetheart’ when she spoke to my father and I think it stuck with me” he explained. “I think because I was trying to hide my feelings for you they just found a different way out.” 

“I would love to learn more about the affection you hold for me” Dorian said, but then he swayed on his feet and Cullen had to catch him. “But first I need a bath, my bed and food, in that order.” 

He held his arm as Dorian picked up his things to make sure he wouldn’t topple over, but when he tried to take away his hands as he straightened up the Mage refused to let him go. 

“Would you… Would you like to join me? I just… can’t bear the thought of letting you go.”

Cullen smiled at him widely and brought their joined hands to his lips. 

“Lead the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I hope you enjoyed my writing, it is a first time im posting in this fandom and I am a tad nervous about it.  
> Wanted to say thank you to my friends from Cullrian server on discord who supported me during my many breakdowns over this work. I am so, so sorry. 
> 
> Please leave me some comments if you liked reading it :)


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